Second breastfeeding class experience

Oh man, that one was much better.  The main subject material was pumping, using bottles, and going back to work, and the teacher was a different person.  She also seemed to have a much different attitude and was more open and flexible.  Jeremy also went with me, which helped me to moderate my reactions.  I also felt a little proud that I already knew some of the stuff she shared since I have been communicating to friends about pumping (y'know, what most people talk about, right?), and then a little abashed when I wasn't sure how the actual machine worked or fit together.  Oh well, I guess that balances nicely.

Overall I left feeling much better than I did after the other one, and even made a couple of introductions to people I may see in the breastfeeding support group post-baby.

I may actually be able to do this!

First birthing class experience

Last Tuesday started our five week course of Birth and Baby classes through the hospital where I will deliver.  I had a little bit of apprehension about going after my negative experience with the breastfeeding class, but I decided to be hopeful since 1) Jeremy would be going with me and 2) my boss is in a Bible study group with the teacher, and she said that she's a lovely person, so I wouldn't need to worry.  So, I grabbed our pillows, dressed in clothes that were both comfy and appropriate for work (since I would have to take off immediately after work to make it on time), and hoped for the best.

I am happy to say that things went well!  The teacher was very nice and informative, and didn't scare me with anything she had to say.  Actually, I felt a little like the nerdy couple since we already knew a lot of the information that she had to share and answered questions that she asked about 60% of the time. (But seriously, who doesn't know that we dilate to 10 cm, or that labor can take many, many hours?!)  Thanks to one episode of the Office, I even knew that you shouldn't go to the hospital right away, only once the contractions are 4-5 minutes apart, and that water breaking doesn't have to be a dramatic gush.  Thanks to my mom friends, I also knew that they won't often accept you into Labor and Delivery until you are 5 cm dilated (especially on busy nights) and that they are super strict with security at our particular hospital.  Overall, because I wasn't learning too much new stuff, I left the class feeling confident instead of angry and scared.

Something else worth noting, I'm not as scared of labor and delivery as I am of parenting in the first month or so.  My mom and her friends have scoffed at this, but I think it's valid.  Labor and delivery, regardless of how painful/scary in the moment/surgically involved has a beginning time and an end time.  I will most likely be in the hospital, surrounded by staff and machines who see this sort of thing every day (barring some crazy we-delivered-on-the-way thing, but since we live less than a mile from the hospital, that's highly doubtful, ::knockonwood::).  Even if I forget everything I learn in birthing class, at some point she will come out of me.  If things aren't working out, they will go in and get her.  And then it will be over and I won't have to worry about delivering her ever again.

But parenting in that first month?  I'm exhausted just thinking about it.  Transitions are always tricky, and this will be the biggest one of my life, now and forevermore.  Everything I know about life will change.  Forever.  And there is no point where this will be over and I can go back to things the way they were.  And I won't have professionals around me at all times in case things go wrong, it's all Jeremy and I.  Yes, I can have help here and there, but most of the time it'll be just us.  Trying like crazy to keep her alive and well and developing normally.  I know we'll be able to do it, but it'll be a lot of work and a lot of intimidating changes to make.  I know it'll all be worth it, but boy, does it scare me way more than labor!!

Sentimental art

In two of the baby showers I hosted, I facilitated an art activity in which all of the guests painted something wooden to be attached to a canvas for nursery art.  For Erin we did crabs on a chevron background, and for Sandi we did the alphabet and a little dino.

I loved both the process and the result, but struggled about the actual figure to be painted.  There's no real theme in the room, just sort of a motif maybe, so my first thought was a simple shape.  I tried to find triangles in the hopes of gluing them on the canvas like flag garland, but sadly I couldn't find any the right size in a reasonable price range.  What I did find were circles, some very large, others in a pack of a variety of small sizes.  I was thinking I could do a sort of Chinese paper lantern design at the end, so I went ahead and pulled the trigger.

At my Florida shower, I had my aunts, cousin, mom, mother-in-law, Jeremy, and myself paint some the night before the shower when we all had time together.  People were reluctant at first, but once the creative juices were flowing, there was no stopping us!  I originally bought enough for everyone at both showers to do one, but people were having so much fun being creative that I figured I could just buy more circles later and choose one per person.

Here are a couple done at that shower, the fox by my mom, the orange and blue by Jeremy, the small rose by Jeremy's mom, and the rainbow by me

At our North Carolina shower I introduced the activity after most of the guests had left, but all of my closest were still there since they were all staying with us (except Erin, she was sent home with homework!).  Again with the amazing creativity, a few people chose to do a couple of them, Julian decided to go 3D, and Sandi whipped up a couple that can only be described as amazing, including Sailor Moon and a replica of the cat quilt I made her years ago!

Even Lark got in on the fun, proudly painting no less than five circles (I made five, Aunt Bee!!), and she was no doubt inspired by her talented parents.  Sahil, of course, did three Star Wars characters, and Katie made us a forest scene featuring a sweet little fox.  Even her initials are in the tree trunk, can you stand it?!

In the end I decided to get a bigger canvas so that I could incorporate as many of the circles as possible, and abandoned the Chinese Lantern pattern idea for the layout.  I just arranged them according to color and size, although I did try to group by family a little.  I labeled all of them with names or titles, writing "Mom" by mine, "Dad" by Jeremy's, "Aunt Katie" by Katie's, etc (which, let me tell you, was nutty!  I think that may be the first time I officially referred to us by those names, but anyway).  

Here it is, in all it's lovely beauty!!

I will add Erin's to the lower right corner whenever she gets it to me, but I know with two little ones there is no rush :-).  Right now it is hanging to the left of the crib above what will be her little reading nook, once we get the bookshelves up and the pouf in that spot.

Special thanks to everyone that contributed!  

Lookin' good, Monsieur Fox!

My mom was gracious enough to come last week, not only for the baby shower, but for a full week to knock out this bad boy.  She has been a mural artist for years, painting everything from a giant Bucs mural in our local mall back in the 70s to my own nursery, in which she painted several scenes from Bambi.  When I told her I was pregnant, the first reaction was, "what do you want the mural to be?"  This is how generous of an artist she is :-).

The design itself is not original, but based on the July 2013 teapot from Crate and Barrel designed by Andrew Bannecker.  I couldn't quite afford the $300 price tag, but I could certainly commission a replica!

Our walls were already blue, so bonus!!

After a lot of tinkering, we settled on a simple oval design around his portrait.  We tried to figure out how to incorporate some flag garland, but the scale and sizing never quite came together in a satisfactory way.  No worries, simplicity works for this design!

After day one, it looked like this:

Hard to see it, but it was just the rough pencil sketch of the design.  She worked so hard, all day, to make sure that everything was laid out well and the right scale for the room.

After day two, we arrived here:

Six, yes SIX coats of white paint were needed to cover the blue.  Notice the thoughtful addition of a layer of ivory on the fox's face to make it different from the brilliant white of the star, and to make it a more of a white that would occur in nature.

After day three, she was nearly there:

We went to the craft store to ensure the perfect red and orange and she spent the rest of the day painting like crazy to accomplish as much as possible (she was leaving the evening of day four).

And finally, halfway through day four, he was here!

I think the eyes are my favorite part

Monsieur Fox, looking dapper and dreamy, watching over her crib with lidded eyes, which conveniently avoids any creepy feelings of being watched.  I love how it ties the colors, patterns, and characters in the room into one cohesive focal point.  I truly couldn't be any happier with the way he turned out!  Again, I have to be mindful of how lucky I am to have this woman in my life, as my mother.  It certainly gives me hope about my own chances of successfully raising a daughter.

Thanks, Mom!!!!!

7 month state of the pregnancy address

Well, hello, home stretch!

So very round!!

So, how is this pregnancy treating me?  So far, so good.  I find myself getting tired faster and having flashbacks to the first trimester when climbing our stairs was a real decision about whether or not what was on the second floor was worth the effort.  My back hurts more often from the strain, and I now have to get my kids to pick up anything on the ground in my office.  I also have to limit the time I spend bending over the little table in my office to play games, much to their dismay.  I think it must be the 30 pound weight gain!

Other than that I'm still feeling pretty normal.  No swelling yet, no weird cravings (although I could still eat Mexican food every day without complaint), no trouble sleeping, no crazy mood swings.

The Bun is kicking up a storm every day, and I love to feel her little body parts as they poke up at me.  She is most active after lunch and dinner, or when the room is full of talking voices, like in my therapy sessions or in class.  We are still reading her book to her and playing her song every day, although she has stopped responding with activity.  I'm hoping this is a sign that it is more of a calming influence than boring!

The nursery is 95% done, just have to hang bookshelves and the mobile this weekend before we declare it Bun-ready.  Yes, this means that the mural is done (thanks, Mom!), and I will do a post about that process shortly.

For now I am trying to let the reality of the situation I have gotten myself into sink in slowly so as not to succumb to sheer panic all the time.  Audrey had her baby on Tuesday, a little girl named Petra Caroleena, and since I found out I was pregnant the day after she told me she was, this is certainly a wake up call!  This little one will come out!  Soon!  With needs!  Luckily I have the fact that we get to host the holidays this year to distract me.  I just hope I have the energy for my usual holiday fun!

Take what you want and leave the rest

This is very sage advice from a friend that I vented to after my first breastfeeding class this past Saturday.  I will use it as I go through the next five weeks of birthing classes (which start tonight) as well as the more advanced breastfeeding class scheduled for next Monday.  I say this because instead of reassuring me, the basic breastfeeding class left me feeling angry and scared.

It took a lot of processing for me to fully understand why I felt angry and scared, and I think it boils down to this - the reality of just how much work parenting will be.  Not only that, but since I am not supposed to use a bottle with her for the first three weeks, how exhausted I will be handling every. single. feeding.  I know that Jeremy can help with many other useful tasks, and he wants to be as involved as possible, but the idea of not even having one break in the almost 200 feedings in the first three weeks is intimidating.

The lactation consultant who taught the class was also very, VERY pro-breastfeeding, to the point of saying that there shouldn't be any visitors in the hospital that might distract me from feeding cues, never use lanolin (for some reason that wasn't clear), never resort to formula, and giving me a strange look when I said that mothers shouldn't feel guilty if they can't breastfeed for some reason.  She also told us to stick to the super strict pregnancy diet, which excludes sushi, cold lunchmeat, and alcohol (of course on that one, but the other two, sheesh!).

The class also gave me about 8 million more things for me to worry about. I honestly thought that I would be able to breathe out, at least a little bit, when the pregnancy was over and I had her in my arms to make sure she was ok.  Now I have a whole new list of ways that I could hurt my baby, and warning signs that I'm sure I will agonize over for at least the first few weeks.  I know that all the parents reading this will tell me I was silly/naive not to already be in this state, and that I will get my footing once I get to know her, but I will forever associate the onset of sheer parental panic with this class/woman.

I'm hoping that since Jeremy will be with me for the next few classes I will have his steady head to help me keep calm through this process.  Here's hoping I like the teacher of the Birth and Baby class more!

Cute as a Button

OK, guys, it's time for a loooong post about one of the best days of my life!  I already gave you a behind the scenes breakdown of the lead-up and the wind-down, but here are a few (dozen) of my favorite shots of the day, compliments of Julian and Sandi!

First, the woman responsible for it all, my dear sister-in-law, Katie

The overall theme was "Cute as a  Button", seen here in a handmade banner and wreath by Nikki

Sandi made two, yes TWO diaper cakes with the button theme!!

The spread was quite lovely, with button themed sandwiches, mini-pizza, and cookies,                         among other tasty snacks

All of the details were so thoughtful and beautiful!

I especially loved that so many people came to celebrate with us, and some of my favorite shots are just of the group of us talking and enjoying each other's company.  I also like that Sandi and Julian had so much fun photographing everything!

The games, Price is Right Baby Edition and baby trivia, were a big hit and a great excuse for me to get off my feet for a little while.  I'm not too proud to say that I won the Price is Right game :-).

During cake time, the Bun kicked up quite a fuss and my fellow preggo, Lindzy got to feel!

Everyone was also very generous with the gifts that they gave, here are some highlights:

Reversible Gator outfit from Juliana, so glad not to have to dress her as a cheerleader!

Lark was very helpful in passing out gifts and listened intently

Audrey and Lindzy had been gathering meaningful fabric from various family and friends, and this is the start of a very precious quilt!

Anita was thoughtful enough to give us both gift cards to Target, and me a gift card to my favorite yarn store!

Again with the thoughtful handmade gifts, Nikki made us a rug for the nursery

Sandi and Erin each had babies over the summer, but still contributed to the set up and drove hours to be there!

All of the gifts displayed on the co-sleeper handed down from Sandi

Lark helped us open the gifts from her and her parents

At the end I was quite emotional in saying my thanks, silly hormones!

The rest of the pictures were some of my favorite moments from the day, shot beautifully by our friends.

What a beautiful, blessed day it was.  I am one lucky girl to have these people in my life!

Baby Belly Bazaar

By a wonderful coincidence, the city of Greensboro hosted a Bazaar for pregnant ladies on the day of my shower.  All of my party planning friends told me to make myself scarce that morning, so I made sure to let Audrey and Lindzy, my two pregnant friends in town, that we had to hit it up.  The flyer promised belly painting, belly casting, chiropractors, and massage.  I'm not sure what I was expecting, but it was larger than I thought it would be!

They had local health food stores with booths outside (on 40 degree days, yowch!) and passed out little free samples.  The ginger lemon slush was especially delicious!  Inside they had music and belly dancing, lots of local crafty people selling their wares, and of course all of the advertised services.  It was hard for us to walk more than a few steps before being approached by someone offering raffles and giveaways, or just being happy to see us and our bellies.  There were definitely some questionable services (placenta art or pills anyone?) but mostly it was just a fun time to enjoy with scads of other preggos.

As for what I actually participated with, I got to enjoy a free five minute massage, purchased a maple teething necklace, and dabbled in henna tattooing on my arm.  Definitely the safe option, but I was too shy to whip out my belly and to leave it exposed while it dried.

It was a little orange, but so cute!

Audrey was braver than I was and went for the full belly painting.  She was definitely a main attraction at the shower, it looked so great!

So intricate and pretty!

I have to say that my favorite part of the day was the time spent with Audrey and her best friend, Lindzy.  By amazing coincidence we are all pregnant together currently, and each of us is separated by 9 weeks (Audrey was 39 at the shower, I was 30, and Lindzy was 21).  I had only met Lindzy once before this day, at Audrey's baby shower, but she is the sweetest person you could ever want to meet!  I think we got along very well, and she even painted my fingernails while we waited for Audrey to get henna-ed.  I feel so lucky to have these ladies around and to know that we will be able to raise our kids together, figuring out this crazy process as we go!

Love this picture!

Moments to be thankful for

As many of you know, I was blessed with my second baby shower over the long holiday weekend.  I am currently in the process of sifting through hundreds (yes, hundreds!) of photos taken by Julian and Sandi with their amazing cameras and even more impressive photography skills, so please bear with me until I can post those.  For now, I wanted to document my own reactions and emotions around such a special weekend.

In the days leading up to the weekend, I have to admit that I was a little stressed out.  It is very important to me that guests in my home feel special and well-cared for, which means a perfectly clean house, food that they like in the fridge, and fun activities planned for their stay.  With no less than six adults and two kids in our home, I knew that this would not just be challenging, it would be impossible if only because I can't give every guest the special guest room, buy the specific food everyone liked, or plan individual activities for everyone to enjoy.  I needed to understand and to accept that the people were coming for me, Jeremy, and the Bun, and not to focus on themselves.  They would all still love me if my home was a wreck, and would even pitch in to keep it from looking that way.  So I decided to let go and to work my hardest to be ever present in the moment and mindful of this special time with many of my closest friends.

On Friday as I drove to pick up Juliana from the airport my mind flashed to an image of various points on the map descending on Greensboro.  Juliana flew from Boston, Julian flew from New York, Katie/Sahil/Lark drove from Atlanta, Erin/Adam/Rhys drove from Maryland, and Sandi drove from Virginia, all around the same time.  With my mom having traveled from Florida the day before, I definitely felt like a tourist destination.  Somehow everyone who was in town was able to agree on Steak and Shake for dinner, and Sandi arrived just as her burger did, so I was seriously impressed that everything came together so well. 

On Saturday I got to enjoy making breakfast for everyone and feeling like I was helping to contribute something (just cinnamon rolls, but so tasty!).  Then I got to be whisked away by my two pregnant friends, Audrey and Lindzy, to the Belly Baby Bazaar (I'll post about that later) for the morning while the wonderful army of loved ones got everything set up.  After the shower everyone was wonderfully cooperative with the arts and crafts activity that I planned (another post to be written!).  We ate homemade barbeque, I got to watch a silly romantic comedy with two of my best friends, and then we all promptly passed out!

On Sunday there were leaf piles to be made and jumped in, parks to visit, and kids consignment stores to patronize.  Then there were the inevitable sad goodbyes, although everyone was great enough to stay later in the day so I felt like I had one more day with my crew.

Overall I am just overwhelmed with love and gratitude for the people around me.  I know that this is one loved little Bun, and I am so excited to share all her memories with them in the years to come!

29 week doctor's appointment

Nothing too exciting to report today, just a positive check-up with a doctor.  Belly is measuring right on track, weight gain is about 30 pounds, heartrate is a solid 140, and my bloodwork came back negative.  I also got a flu shot (yuck, arm is still a little sore) and was able to let the doctor know that I'm still feeling good.

Also, the saga of this-baby-hates-the-Doppler continued, and this time the nurse had to call for back-up to be able to measure the heartrate because the Bun kept swimming away just as she would find a clear enough signal.  Almost like she was taunting her...hmmm.  Anyway, between two nurses they were able to track it, although honestly, I think if she was able to move enough to make it hard to measure, isn't that a sign that the heartrate is probably very strong?  Glad to know she's doing well, and it's too funny to me that she already has a personality!

Just ten and a half weeks to go!

The creature within

Never has it been more apparent to me that I am gestating a tiny little human in there.  A real, distinct, fully functioning person-to-be.  I say this because, guys, she is getting big.  So big that her body parts are more distinct, to the point that I can mostly guess what is actually poking me and moving around.  So crazy!

It started with her head.  Very round and distinct, and it would roll around my belly button and was actually so tight it was almost painful!  Don't get me wrong, it's amazing to be able to cup the top of her little head with my hand and actually know her shape, but the reality of it all is dizzying.  

I then started paying more attention when I felt rolls and localized tightness in my belly, so I started picking up on limbs that were laying across my belly, or little knobs that must be either knees or elbows.  This Bun is bony like her mom, so I keep feeling jabs which make me press my belly with my hand at times that appear random to others, but its in the hope that I can help her keep shifting away from a painful spot!  She has a favorite spot to wail on on my left side, so if you see me in person and I keep pressing on my left side, that's what it's all about :-).

Last night was the most fun moment for me, when I could actually feel what I knew to be a foot.  I pushed on it like I always do, and she pulled her little foot away immediately!  It felt like the first time we were clearly interacting.  I mean, I know that she can hear me, that she responds to various stimuli and such, but to actually feel it happening in the moment was indescribable.  I grabbed Jeremy's hand so he could feel too, and his eyes got very wide!  He said he could feel the little heel and the point where the toes would be.  It made me so happy.

I'm looking forward to more of these moments, and I know that as she grows they will be more frequent and mind-blowing.  I can't wait!